i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
