Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize