well I can't set my house on fire every night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
