we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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