White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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