Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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