in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
