just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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