Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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