oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
