pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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