You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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