i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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