We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
