Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
