atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
