You made me cry and you don't even care
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
