I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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