you traded sex for a burrito?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
