Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
