i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize