i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
two words...techno handjob
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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