If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
