i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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