I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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