She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
