I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
