Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
