who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
