Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
