She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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