I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
