it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
