just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
