when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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