he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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