oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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