why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
