Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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