she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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