I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
