She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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