You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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