I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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