Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
