I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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