Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
