well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
