woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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