Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We left the knife in your bed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
